A collection of pointless incidents
by NikkinooNeko
Summary: Just as the title says, it's a collection of pointless incidents. AU.


Hi there!

So, I'm new here. I don't really know what happened with this story. I just wanted to post something. It's probs not funny or entertaining in the slightest, but at least I'm participating. (Yay, me!)

This is the beginning of a bunch of purposeless one-shots that are kind of in the crack-fic AU category. I just like writing this stuff, so if you have any suggestions let me know and I'll write something!.

Anyway, on with the story.

I don't own Beyblade.

"I suppose you're all wondering why I've summoned you here tonight. You will know the answer to that in due time, but for now, I need to make some arrangements."

Yuu paced up and down along a long line of tables, his hands folded comfortably behind his back. On his face, he wore the most serious of expressions.

"Can you at least loosen the ropes you've tied us to these chairs with? I'm getting rope burns," exclaimed Hikaru, who sat on the end of the tables next to Masamune. Ginga, Madoka, Tsubasa, Kyoya and Nile were also present, each tied snugly to their own chairs.

Yuu snapped to attention and pointed an accusing finger at Hikaru. "Quiet, woman!"

"You can't do this, Yuu. You simply cannot, I repeat, CANNOT invite all your friends to your birthday party only to lead them all to an enclosed space and knock them all unconscious with sleeping gas. You're lucky none of s have brain damage," she shouted back.

"Yeah!" Masamune supported.

Hikaru gave a glance Masamune's way, "Well, we'll never know if you damaged Masamune's brain because it wasn't all there in the first place, BUT STILL!"

"Hey!"

"Shut up, Masamune."

The others joined in protest.

"We're all going to die!" Madoka shouted.

"Kid, I swear when I get out of here I'm going to rearrange your little blonde head." Kyoya growled.

"Move to Japan, they said," Nile muttered. "It's much safer than Egypt, they said."

"I'm hungry!" Ginga whined.

Tsubasa, if his hands weren't tied, would surely have face palmed. But since he had no free hands to slap himself in said face, he simply hung his head and shook it.

"SILENCE, ALL OF YOU! We seem to be missing one member of the panel, and we cannot continue until he arrives. Until then, just sit tight and enjoy the scenery."

"What scenery?" Nile asked. "You've locked us all in a cemented dungeon."

"That's so no one can hear your screams. I wanted to add a bit of color to lighten the mood, but I used up the entire budget on this monocle. So you'll just have to use your imagination." Yuu adjusted the monocle on his eye.

Madoka looked at him questionably, "Why the monocle?"

"It makes me feel classier. You know, adds to my diabolical charm."

"Well at least tell us who the hell those guys are," Masamune said, nodding towards two heavyset security guards in black tuxedos and glasses standing by the door.

"They're the men in black."

Suddenly, the door swung open and entered Ryuga. In his hands, he held a carton of milk.

"Mother, I got your groceries. They were all out of soy milk, but I didn't think you'd mind… what the hell are you weirdoes doing?"

"RUN RYUGA!" Ginga yelled, "RUN WHILE YOU STILL HAVE THE CHANCE! There's no time for us, just go. SAVE YOURSELF!"

"Okay," he turned to leave but the men in black pounced on him. A midget wearing a naughty nurse outfit ran out of nowhere, kicked Ryuga in the shin and stole L-Drago from his belt.

"That's why the men in black are here," Yuu explained.

Ryuga continued to struggle as the men in black hauled him onto an extra chair and tied him up.

Defeated, he panted heavily before speaking. "Listen bratty child, I will give you two seconds to explain what is going on here, and why does that midget have L-Drago?"

Kyoya chimed in, "A better question is, why is that midget dressed in such a saucy nurse's get up?"

"He should have at least shaved his legs," Nile added simply.

Kyoya nodded in agreement.

"He is not 'That Midget'" Yuu yelled. "His name is Gerald and you shall give him nothing but the utmost respect. And Ryuga, if you'll be quiet I'll tell everyone what's going on."

He looked at Ryuga who simply huffed. Yuu took that as a prompt to begin.

"This morning, Tsubasa asked me what flavor ice cream I would have liked for breakfast. I was utterly stumped, he never usually asks me-"

Hikaru cut him off, "Tsubasa, you let him have ice cream for breakfast?"

"It's either that or have to deal with four hours of screaming. The last time I refused, he threatened to cut off my hair and make a feathered coat out of Eagle. What else can I do?"

"Anyway, as I was saying," Yuu continued. "I simply couldn't decide. So many wonderful flavors to choose from, what's a boy to do? Vanilla, strawberry, chocolate, cookies and cream, peppermint chip, the list goes on. And don't even get me started about sorbet!"

"Get to the point!" Kyoya demanded, his patience had already snapped. Now he was just seething.

"Pushy, pushy Yo-yo. Okay, so then I thought, 'I know, I'll get all my friends together and get them to help me decide on which flavor is the best'. So I decided to wrangle you all up with the help of Gerald here, and get you all to try a flavor each. And that's why you're here."

The room fell silent. Yuu was confronted with a line of blank stares. Nile, apparently, just couldn't believe this shit.

"YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT YOU'VE KIDNAPPED ALL OF US TO MAKE US TASTE ICE CREAM?"

"I KNOW!" shouted Ginga, receiving a glance from Nile. "You went to all that trouble for this? I mean, you could have just asked."

Tsubasa sighed heavily.

"Enough chit chat," Yuu said. "Gerald, bring forth the ice cream."

Gerald clopped along in his high heels and pushed out a waiters tray filled with tubs of ice cream. He proceeded to place a tub in front of each Blader and mechanic.

Gerald then rounded the table to the far right where Ryuga had been tied up. He pulled a spoon from his pocket, scooped out a spoonful and held it up to Ryuga's mouth.

"Oh no. No, no, no, no, NO! You can trick me into thinking that my mother has asked me to buy her milk. You can steal L-Drago and you can have two overdressed sleuths rough me up and tie me to a chair. But you cannot, will not, have a hairy legged, seductively dressed midget named Gerald feed me ice cream with a spoon. I will not stand for this shit."

Yuu approached Ryuga and lent over the table. "Lay off for a minute, Gerald." Gerald nodded and stepped back.

He continued. "You think I'm playin' whichu, punk?"

"No, I think you're a schizophrenic."

While Ryuga and Yuu continued to argue with each other, Madoka had an idea. She winked and Gerald and nodded with her head gesturing for him to go over to her. Gerald clopped over again and leant up, "What?"

"If you let us go, I'll let you see me without a shirt."

Gerald stood back, his eyes wide. "Lady, don't get me wrong," he said in a voice that was hilariously deep for his size. "You're a nice piece of tail and all but you're totally barking up the wrong tree right now. I don't swing that way."

"Oh… OH? Well, what else could I give you in exchange for our freedom?"

Gerald put his finger to his chin. His eyes wondered over to Kyoya, whose mouth hung open in shock as he watched Yuu attack Ryuga's face.

"Could you arrange an hour alone with him? I'd sure like to see him without a shirt."

Madoka's face ran pale. "Uhhh, Kyoya?"

"Is that his name? Damn, it's as sexy as his face." Gerald licked his lips.

By now, Yuu had pulled Ryuga's shirt over his head and was giving him a wet willie. Her decision was made quickly. "Okay, yeah anything you want. Just untie these ropes."

Gerald nodded. He quickly untied Madoka's hands and then proceeded to untie the rest, including Ryuga. Yuu was too busy putting Ryuga on the bitch to notice. Only when Tsubasa approached him from behind and threw him in a potato sack he found conveniently placed in the corner did Ryuga's living hell cease.

Tsubasa slung the kicking and hollering potato sack over his shoulder. "Well, I think it's time I took this one to bed."

Ryuga collapsed on the ground, puffing and panting. Masamune bent down next to him and patted his hair. "Shh, it's all over now. You're safe, it's okay."

"I-I-I don't know what happened. He was everywhere, Masamune. Everywhere."

Kyoya approached the men in black. "Hey, so, can we have out Beys back?"

They handed the Beys back to the group.

"So," Nile said, putting his Bey back in his pocket. "You guys wanna go get something to eat?"

"Meh, guess so," Madoka replied. The others shrugged. Except for Ginga and Masamune who had already taken off out the door.

The rest of the group followed them, including the men in black and Gerald who stayed creepily close to Kyoya.

So, as I said before, I'm not exactly blessed in the inspiration department, but I promise that the next submissions will be better. I'll put a lot more effort into them. If you have any suggestions, let me know and I'll get to them!


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